R.A. stricks again!

Rambunctious Assistant is at it again. I tell you this woman is something else!!! Today, I was having to work the front desk because of the wonderful fact that... we have too few workers.

So like every time I'm up there, I find myself making chain link with paper clips or randomly shooting rubber bands at unsuspecting adults (parents included) and thus looking over at the kids with a frown. Anyhoo... today I happened to be playing house of cards with our new library cards, fancy little boogers where you have your picture taken and stuff. Yeah, I don't want to go into the wonderful programming details. When suddenly this patron comes up, a woman around her forties, I believe. She was something else, prada bag, gucci pants, you know the rich ones, and she looked upset. R.A. is always really good at getting angry patrons to shut up better then me, so I let her have the floor.

The rich lady says, "You need to clean your bathroom."

R.A.: "Really? Why's that?"

R.L.: "There are three dead crickets in there!" Rich Lady proceeds to emphasis three with three fingers to R.A.'s face.

Okay, over the last three months we've been having this problem with a whole horde of crickets trying to take over the library, don't ask me way. They just showed up one day and we haven't been able to get rid of them. Go figure. Now right about then I'm thinking, 'Dear Lord, don't let R.A. say something stupid.'

R.A. looks shocked, puts her hand over her chest and exclaims, "Only three!!! Well all be. I'm sorry but there is a strict policy on cleaning the bathrooms. There have to be at least six crickets in order for us to sweep."

R.A. looked so serene and I was desperately trying to keep from laughing my guts out when R.L. says, "Well, I didn't check the other stalls, I'll be right back."

The minute she was out of sight R.A. and I looked at each other and busted out laughing. There is nothing more satisfying then pleasing a patron.

You got to love Librarian-Hood.

Duck, Duck, Goose

So today was an exceptionally interesting one. One of my many joys of the day is taking a stroll through the stacks. (It's more to get away from the director and assistants then anything.) It takes a good thirty minutes to walk around and make sure my assistants are doing there job (with a glazed look in their eyes).

As I'm walking past the young adult section of our library, suddenly a book goes flying by my nose. It was a close call and all I could do was stand there stunned. Backing up a step, I'm thinking, "Holy Guacamole, what in the world?!?!"

Looking over, I notice the book is one of our most popular in the teen sections, Fang by James Patterson which had taken a slide under one of the study desks in the section. Slowly I turn the corner and see a girl pacing back and forth muttering.

I made sure to have the book in hand in case there were anymore flying books that might come. Coming up to her, she yells, "I can't believe Fang did that!!!"

Not being as savee about YA fiction (Young Adult), I asked her what was up and why she had thrown the book. She looks up at me and blushes with embarrassment, grabs the book and slinks away before answering my question. That is one of the most interesting experience I have yet had at the library.

I now dub the girl , 'Book Thrower'. Let's just see how many books she throws at my assistants.
*evil grin*

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

One question...

Well today has been a strange day. Because of a lot of recent sickness as out library, I find myself at the front desk. (One of the most dread seats in the library. *to me*) So it turns out that being a reference librarian does have it's perks, but at the same time the most idiotic questions are asked, and I just can't help sharing them.

1.) Where's the bathroom?
2.) Do you know where that yellow book is?
3.) Have you seen a kid with a bike around here?
4.) Where's the computer lab?
5.) *my all time favorite* how do you check out a book?

I can't help wanting to laugh at these. Now to most patrons they seem like legit questions, but to us librarians we want to laugh. Half of these questions can be answered by looking at the signs, the other half are just plain weird.

Now I understand why I chose to work the reference desk, you get to sleep, read, and get your assistants to do the work for you. (I miss Mr. Clean and his temper!) So till I can figure out a way to get away from this forever morbid desk, I'll be dying to over exposure.

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

The real REFeree...

So today was one of those days. Now the library is pretty big, but even then you can hear people yelling at one another from my small corner in the back of the library. Mr. Clean of course is trying to intervene between two woman that decide to have a cat fight, literally, next to the children's room. (You can just imagine all the round eyed kids.) Mr. Clean of course can't do a thing. (He's a guy after all and his threats are useless against two women about to pull each others hair out.)

Well, I'm not one to interfer with other peoples affairs, but these women were interferring with my afternoon nap. (Everyone in the library knows that's a no-no.) So I get up, and walk past my other assistants, who duck after seeing the look on my face. The women are now getting a little physical with each other. I get in between them and each give them my deadly glare.

They instantly quiet as I snarl, "If you keep this up, I'll show you what a cat fight is."

One of the woman steps up to challenge, but I don't give her a minute, grabbing her by an ear I send her out the door. The other woman watches and I almost laughed at the look on her face, but she quickly slinked out after the other woman. Mr. Clean had a 'how in the world' look on his face (as well as all the patrons that had come to watch) as I walked back to my desk and finished enjoying my afternoon nap. (I think I will be receiving a lot of thank you cards later on.)

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Private Investigator REF & Mr. Clean

Okay, today nearly left me in tears. For me, as the reference librarian, I have some of the most amazing experiences with the public that I don't often mention. But today was exceptional. A woman came in today looking for her father. Now this woman is about forty and has two kids with her. She came up and asked me over my books, "Could you help me find someone?"

I looked up from my computer and ask, "Someone in the library?"

"Not exactly... I'm looking for my father."

Now this is where she spills her guts about her father having been a war hero, who had disappeared when she was born, but for some reason beyond me, she was trying to find him. Call it reconciliation, but it was touching. Now according to policy we don't provide those kinds of services. But before I knew it I was saying yes. (I didn't want to change the AC filter *or untie the idiot assistant*) So I went into a large search, asking her everything she could remember about her father.

Right about the time I was starting to find some leads Mr. Clean shows up. Now for some reason ever since the iniciation scare he's been kind of cold shouldered and almost like my boss. He asks me what I'm doing, and I just shrug and say, 'Hunting.'

He finds out, tells me it's not policy and I tell him to shut up. (HAHAHA! I'm cold hearted towards him, he needs to get one. *a heart I mean*) I just keep searching while he drowns on about policy and about work ethic, and all that junk.(I'm good at selective hearing.) Right about that time, I'm calling a police department in Detroit of all places to ask then for any info they might have on this woman's father.

Bingo! I found something, Mr. Clean for once stops talking and being such a pain in the rear and helps. By the time the woman came back from story hour, I had her father's phone number, home address and everything else I could find. (Hopefully I have the right guy here.) She thanked us, gave us each thirty bucks and left. (Whoa, I'm going to have a good lunch thinking about that.)

Mr. Clean actually smiled at me for once and we went about our work, me sleeping, Mr. Clean doing whatever he does in the stacks. It was tear jerking and very gratifying. Thank you, Mrs. Patron-with-missing-father.

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Mission... stalk patron...

What a day it's been?! First off a patron really got our new assistant mad. Mr. Clean, much like the commercials is bald, and so he was beet red mad. Thankfully, I stepped in in time, I didn't think that idiot patron wanted to get hit by a Green Berra. (Don't ask me how I know he was in the US ARMY. *that's probably why there's marks on the file room door*)

Anyhoo, we have this on patron we know of as Mr. Anonymous. He's a pain in every situation when he comes in. Usually it's with his wife and two kids. I don't know about you, but I think the dude is bored. Well anyway, he was walking around the library looking at books when I noticed him start looking around and knew he was up to something.

Suddenly he starts speed walking around the library humming the Mission Impossible song. Now with Mr. Clean he's very conscious about sound in the library. (To an ungodly level.) So he starts tracking Mr. Anonymous down and tells him to, politely, 'Shut Up.'

Well, the guy suddenly bursts into tears and yells, 'Why won't you people just leave me alone?!'

That's when I intervine. Mr. Clean is still walking around fuming about it, as for me I'm getting a kick out of his red ears. HAHAHA!!!

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Rambunctious Assisant and Jamaica

This story is just to hilarious to pass up. Today was one of those slow days. (Surprising for a Monday, got to tell you.) Unfortunately half of our staff is sick. (Yahoo for a canceled staff meeting, boo to no nap!) So I'm spending my time up at the front desk for a change and not in the back corner and my comfort zone. (No naps and online Cafe World for me, man!)

Now I have no problems with assistants as long as I'm not around them. But I love Rambunctious Assistant, call it our collective stupidity, but we get along well. As it turns out she always takes care of those patrons that come in and say that they lost their library card.

SCENE:

Patron: Ma'am: "I lost my library card and need to replace it."

(Our library cards come free for the first time, and then cost a patron ten dollars for a new one.)

Rambunctious Assistant: "Alright, it will be ten dollars for a new card, and you have to pay me ten dollars for my vacation to Jamaica as well."

Patron looks at Rambunctious Assistant. R.A. looks at Patron without cracking a smile. (Believe me, when R.A. wants to be serious, she can be serious. *even when she's kidding*) Patron shrugs and pulls out a twenty and gets their new library card. Rambunctious Assistant assigns a computer to the patron and the transaction is over.

For a moment I'm completely stunned and suddenly R.A. starts snickering and whispers: "I can't believe I actually got it!"

Looking over at, R.A. (I'm just shorting her name 'kay.) and ask, "Do you do that every time?!"

R.A. smiles her evil little mastermind grin and says, "Yup, every time."

For a moment all I could do was stare at her wide eyed as she said, "Yup, all I need is about three hundred dollars more and I'm going."

I have to hand it to R.A.she's a genius. To think she's gotten well over six hundred dollars from unsuspecting patrons and their innocent idiocy. ( We have to do something with our time, and tricking patrons is a pass-time for us librarians) She's been doing it for a couple of years now, and some patrons laugh with her when they think she's joking, but that patron was unsuspecting and I'm sorry for that patron.(Though... not really...) She told me it doesn't always work, and that one time a guy gave he thirty dollars to fund her trip. I got a kick out of that. And here I thought I was evil....

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Never Be the Last in a Library...

As the reference librarian, I have a very full life, most of it spent in my little oasis of desk, books, and tan folders. But occasionally, I am picked to close the library on our late days, meaning around nine at night. I have no problem doing it, though I do get picked for it quite often. So that means I work at the front desk, another meaning, no work! Or at least not the constant ref work I always have.

Around seven all the other librarians, assistants, volunteers, and excreta go home, while I sit there with my feet up in the assistants chair reading. It's almost closing, all the computers a idling, and I start getting the library cleaned up and ready for the next day, reports, stats, and everything done. Keys in hand, lock door to conference rooms, offices, computer lab(s). Finally the bathrooms, come and like regulation I knock, listen, and then shut the doors, go down the hall, lock the hall(s) and go back to my office to finish up last minute stuff.

As I'm about to shut off the main lights, I hear someone yelling. My brains saying, What in the world? No one's supposed to be here.

So I start calling out and finally come to the bathroom hallway. The person is behind the door. Trying to hold back laughter, I unlock the door and open it. A scared woman comes exploding out of it and yells at me. I told her I had done my standard proceedure, but she wouldn't have it and left the library fuming. Of course I started laughing my guts out at that point.

That is why I tell anyone that comes to the library on late days, don't be the last one in the library, you might get locked in.

You got to LOVE Librarian-Hood...

Teenagers....

Alright, here is a story worth telling. As a reference librarian not often do I see teenagers. But occasionally, like today, I happened upon one.

As usual, I'm the far corner of our large old library, keeping my head down, and hoping neither assistant, nor patron bothers me with questions. (Most often it works and I get to read and take naps occasionally on slow days.) But alas today wasn't that day.

*SCENE*

"Hey ma'am can you help me?"

For a moment I was confused because it didn't sound like a kid or an adult. So I slide a large stack of books to the side to see who in world is asking me a question. It turns out to be a teenage boy. (Now how many teenagers come to a reference desk, much less a boy? My point exactly.) Strangely enough I was curious and say, "Sure, what's up kid?"

(Alright, I'm not that old, probably about seven years older then him, but tell no one!) Anyhoo, he says, "I'm trying to find a book on how to play the piano."

This nearly sent me falling over in my chair. My brain was yelling at me, Oh my dear lord!!! Did this TEENAGE BOY just ask for me to find him a book on how to play the PIANO?!?!?!

Quickly I reboot my brain, smile, and say, "Of course."

Being the brainiac I try not to be, I don't even have to search for it and have him follow me to where the how-to books are. Showing him the book, he is literally grinning from ear to ear. I felt so proud to have helped this teenage boy, and was very glad to see him in the library till he opened his mouth and said, "Now I'll be able to pick up chick's big time!!!"

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Behind-The-Scenes

Alright, so some of my friend who read this blog have been asking me what a librarian does to have fun. So like all those movies that have behind-the-scenes footage of actors making a fool of themselves, so do librarians. If you remember from my last post about the Sir Walter Scott thing, I will explain.

As a librarian, you have to find your fun where you can get it. In the offices behind the actual seen library, and in the shifter room, a good size room that lets us move our books around that have been check-in and out, there is a LONG hall that's waxed weekly. So when we have an old book that has some good paper in it, that hasn't been used in a long while, we have some fun!

First off, we take it out of our catalog and try to sale it.

Then if that doesn't work we steal it off the sales rack and during our breaks we rip out pages.

Now the reason for this is, you lay a nice slightly fuzzy page on the ground. Step back about ten feet and get a running start. We jump on the piece of paper and surf it down the hall. It is one of the few joys of being a librarian!

The record holder is Rambunctious Assistant at a fifteen foot slide using Edgar Allen Poe!

You got to love Librarian-Hood...