Learn Your Lesson...

So it turns out I've finally learned that you don't mess with a Green Berra. So it turns out today I spent nearly half the morning trying to figure out how to open a bottle of rubbing alcohol with only my thumbs. You're probably wondering why. Well to put it simply Mr. Clean finally got me.

True, true, seems impossible, but yes. This morning I walked the halls of shame and made every assistant librarian and our director snort in laughter. So what happened... well...

Mr. Clean super glued my fingers to my keyboard... yes... it's true.


How did he do it? Put it simply he put the glue on seconds before I got to my desk. When I put my fingers down on the keys, well... they were stuck. So I ended up having to rip the keyboard out of the PC and go to the break room to remove it. Fun times... fun times...

Anyhoo, now all the patrons are asking what happened and embarrassed as I am, I have to explain.

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Switcharoo

Long time, hahaha... what can I say the library has been exceptionally busy. (Though I have to admit I've been sleeping through most of it.) With the blessed Summer Reading Program finally over, I no longer had to hide in a closet to get away from the kiddies.

Anyhoo, today has been so hilarious I couldn't help wanting to mention it while I was thinking about it. As you all know Mr. Clean is a stickler for protocol, and I have this wonderful talent of getting him mad. Well to put things simply, I got him really mad today. (I'm childish I know, but you can't be serious all the time.) So today, I had this wonderful idea of peeling the woman's bathroom sign off the bathroom and sticking it on the door to his office. (Surprising he gets an office right?) I put his name plate on the woman's bathroom. (Okay so I got this from AGT but I couldn't help it. The evilness came out when I saw it.)

So what happens halfway through the day. About ten women walk into his office. Of course he has no clue what's going on and directs them to the restroom. By the twelfth time, I think he was getting tired of it. So guess what he does, comes to ask me why it is everyone is coming to his itsy bitsy office. *shrug*

Ten minutes later...

Let's just say I was cutting up in the attic to keep away from the red headed Mr. Clean. So for the rest of the day it was hide-and-go-seek with the library assistant. Ain't life grand!!!

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

The Break Room...

Now an interesting fact for all you patrons is, that just like any other working class group there is usually a break room in a library. That's right, it's behind the scenes and away from your eyes. The break room is another one of those blessed rooms where librarians can have a breather.

Our break room consists of two small round tables, seven chairs, a couch, and a small kitchenette, with fridge. This is where most of us spend our lunches because, face it, the mattress in the attic calls too often during break times. But the fact is the lunch room is one of the most fun places to eat, because that is where all the pranks and hilarious pictures are taken.

*For example, last years book party led to one of our librarians getting doused with pink punch on her white suit. Someone was fortunate to get a great photo of it (and her horrified expression.^_~). Then there are the book shifter room funny pictures. One of which we call the galotine. (I'll explain that later.) *

But then there is the fridge of this room. The bad thing about it is the forgotten foods of all our librarians. Like the S.R.P. pizza that has been in there for... well... I don't know how long, and then there is our directors cakes that seem to always find their way into the back of the fridge (did I mention their growing fur?). For myself, I keep away from the fridge, and every now and again have to take a picture of it to post of the 'Wall of Weirdness'. (As we call it.) Every now and again I put it at the information desk. (just to be a bit evil) Sometimes I embarrass them into cleaning out the fridge. (Don't ask me to do it, it's radioactive material to me.)

So for all our craziness and enjoyment of pranks, the break room is one of our favorites. I'll talk about some of  those pranks on another day...*evil grin*

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

The Attic

Alright, our library is pretty big... as you can probably guess from the fact we have one too many librarians, and assistant librarians, and, and, and... So to make it simple I'll explain our library, it's two stories, with a large attic that can one day be converted into a third.

(A fact for all wayward patrons: A library is built to last for well over thirty years. What is taken into consideration when a library is built is the fact of growth in the community, and patron usage of the library. Our library was built ten years ago and thus contains another floor for further use in the future. It's called the 60-40 rule.)

So the attic as we all call it now, is huge, kind of like a basketball court double-sized. For us librarians, it is a sanctuary, especially for me and the mattress that has *somehow* found it's way up there. The attic consists of boxes of decorations for every plausible holiday, craft supplies for the summer, rewards for the summer read program, and shelves of books for our 'closed-off' reference books. So when we each have our ten minute breaks, we either go up there and read at one of the long tables that are up there for when the time comes to open up shop, or sleep on the mattress.

But!... there is a door  there leading to a very scary place... a place the idiot assistant will be going to soon... *evil grin*

Confidential Files

You wouldn't believe how hard it is to break into confidential files in our library. Good Lord!!! It literally has a room of it's own. *scratching head* I'm almost wanting to ask Mr. Clean if he learned how to break-and-enter when he was in the army.

Anyhoo, nice day to be at work, or at least it was until Mr. X came in. I call him that because of a small experience I had with him, he's a major league paranoid guy, but he acts all macho man. Now I have no problem with him until he starts asking about anything we might have on UFO's or Roswell. (If you don't know about Roswell, I think it's about time to get yourself well informed.)

Sometimes I wish Mr. Clean worked on Saturdays, he kept people from asking me reference questions and now I barely have time to do anything else!!! HELP MR. CLEAN!!! So me and Mr. X spent the last two hours going over every possible book about anything I knew about UFO's. (I know a lot considering he comes in once a month!) As always same books, and then he starts giving me the nerves because he tells me all of this stuff about UFO's and alien abductions. Now I can't even go near the confidential files room without getting scared!!!

WHAT IS WITH THAT GUY?!?!?

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Spook

*Hitching coat* Yup, that's right, that's my new nickname thanks to the new assistant Mr. Clean. I feel like Mulder off of X-Files. (For those out there that don't know it, his nickname was Spook.) I want to get a name tag that says that. But your probably wondering how it is I got that nickname.

Well for the past week I've put all my skills into Mr. Clean's own prank. Like I've said before in our library we have an initiation scare and no one else had the guts to try it. (Call me stupid, or I just plan have a death wish, but I had to try and scare this ex-military.) All week, I've been trying to sneak up on him to no avail. (This guy has ears like a bat, I got to tell you.) It *finally* happened today, I'm feeling really high and mighty.

Anyhoo, it was when we were in the back shuffle room, and it was just him. So with ever increasing care, and thanks to the honking loud book sorting machine, I sneaked up on him. Of course I made it look like I needed his help with a file and he literally jumped a mile high and let out a stream of cuss words that would have made a sailor blush. (I'm not sure if he was one. I still haven't had a chance to sneak into the 'confidential' files.) He sure was angry and I thought he was going to give me a nice smack or more likely knuckle punch or upper cut *as all the guys like to call them*. Thankfully he refrained from doing so.

So when he finally came out of the shuffling room in the back, still beet red with embarrassment at having been caught at his own game. Mr Clean said, "Hey Spook how you doing?"

All the assistants were a bit confused until he tapped me on the shoulder and I said, "Fine."

(That's probably when I realized he was talking to me.) So now all the assistants are calling me Spook. I got to say, I'm loving it. Though all the patrons keep giving my assistants a funny look when they call me that.

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

#1 Prank In Our Library

I can't help it, every time I think about it I start laughing. In our library we are constantly prancing one another. (Co-workers, and occasionally patrons too *though not this one*) Our number one prank is probably one of the oldest in the book, but still gets a million laughs.

Only one thing I can say is *evil grin* look before you sit!

Alright, alright, I'll explain... huff... once about two years ago we got all this stuff from the circus that comes to our town once a year. Some clowns came for our summer reading program and left one of those whoopee cushions behind (You know one of those balloon things that makes the fart noise when you sit on it). As it turns out we couldn't stand not using it. So for the first time we tried it with non other then our BIG boss, the Director. Now she's a pretty good natured woman and one day we put it in the chair where she sits at the front desk from time to time, then covered it with her coat.

Naturally she didn't see it and sat down. *FART!* Now there were three patrons at the front desk when this happened. Our Director was blushing beet red and me and the assistants were trying desperately not to laugh in the stacks. The patrons were trying hard to too, but kids were giggling up a storm, some laughing straight out. For days after the director never left the office, and not just that, she found the whoopee cushion! She wanted to know who did it, and believe me this is one of those times you might loose your job kind of angry.

Anyhoo, no one was caught and the supposedly thrown away whoopee cushion lurks in our library, waiting for a poor unsuspecting fool to sit down.

You got to love Librarian-Hood...