The Paper Snatchers

This is another problem we seem to have while in the library. Every day we get two local newspapers, and by the end of the day we only half two half mangled newspapers. It comes with the territory for librarians, but come on, those papers are for everyone. Not to mention they get stolen half the time! UGH!!! I need to put security systems on them to keep them in the library!!!

Stinks

There are perks of working at a library, and then there are the stinks of working at a library. (Literally.) We will call his name Mr. Gross, when he comes in to the ref desk, I dread it. Since I'm the only IT support all patrons come crying to me when they get viruses in our computers. (EXCUSE ME!!! WHERE DO YOU KEEP GOING TO GET THEM!!!)

Let's just say with Mr. Gross even when he leaves the desk, his smell still lingers long after. Believe me you can smell him coming in the door. I understand he works late, but a shower before coming would be very nice for me. Once, not long ago, one of my more... rambunctious assistants told this guy he needed some hand sanitizer. (It's mandatory for every patron who comes in to use it.)

He said: $*#( no.

Rambunctious Assistant: Well sorry sir, we can't let you use the computer without using it, and please keep your language down.

(Both mandatory.)

Mr. Gross: #(&*&%$ you!

(I'm hearing this from my desk mind you across the library. and believe me, he didn't go lightly on the language either.)

Rambunctious Assistant: Same to you! Now get out!!!

So my assistant has no fear, let me tell you, but I ended up having to deal with him the next day. He's scary, and stinky as the same time. HELP ME!!!!

Mrs. LP

Sometimes you can't help but laugh at older patrons that come into the library, they are hard of hearing, and sometimes I do have to yell in the library so they won't misunderstand me. One day a woman (who we will call Mrs. LP) came into the library and we had just that example of a misunderstanding.

Mrs. LP: 'Do you have any large print books?"

Me: "Yes."

Mrs. LP: "Where?"

I show her to the area, and she looks at me and says, "No I know where the large prints are."

I give her a questioning expression and she says, "I want to know about new Large Print."

"This is all we have."

She pats my arm and says, "Oh well dear, you can't help it."

WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT!!!! *slowly edging away*

Pull 'em Up

This is something I have to say a lot of the time. Teenagers think it's really cool to wear their pants down to their knees and show off their rears, so this is what I have to do, and an actual experience...
(For all intensive purposes we will call this dude Low-Rider)

"Excuse me, Low-Rider?"

"Huh?"

"You need to pull up your pants."

"Why, they'll just slide down again, what's the point?"

"It's common curtsy."

"Huh? What's that?"

"Do you know the origins to where that started?"

"Huh? What's or'jeans?"

"The history."

"Nope, don't care."

"Believe me you will... it started in prisons, to let other prisoners know you are gay."

Low-Rider looks at me with a glazed expression as it sinks in, then horror shows on his face. He quickly pulls up his pants and with a embarrassed blush says, "Thanks."

Big grin, "No problem."

From that day on, Low-Rider was no longer Low-Rider... he was Suit-Pants.

You got to love Librarian-hood...

Computers, Books, and Hacking

Those are just a few of the fun jobs that come with being a librarian. As a reference librarians and the only IT support in our library, it is exceptionally funny when I use utilities to hack into our patron computers. You wouldn't believe how many times I tell someone, you shouldn't be on that site, and they are saying, "Whut site?"

Then I give my evil grin and click the tab they were looking at a few minutes ago and say, "I have eyes in the back of my head."

Awe the joys of librarianhood. Of course it doesn't save me from those idiotic people that don't know how to use their computer, aka my assistants. It's annoying when they come up with a patron while I'm busy fixing a computer or looking a grants and they say, "Could you help this guy, he needs to.... blah blah blah."

Uh can't you see I'm busy?! is what I'm thinking, but I say, "Sure."

Librarianhood is one of those things you got to love...

Their Story

To become a good librarian, one must be able to put patrons to sleep... at any cost... So where do I come in?

*Pulling out sedative.*

Exactly... I have the fun job of helping patrons with things they don't understand, best known as a Reference Librarian or (as the kids like to call me, "The Know It All") So this blog is dedicated to all those patrons that have a funny story, and the librarians that tell them. Since I get asked the most stupid questions, I'll put them on this blog and let you figure them out, also I'll tell the stories that are the hilarious, pee in your pants kind that I deal with on... a daily bases. As well as how I can sedate a patron that might be getting a little to late, or how I lock patrons in the bathroom, or tape stuff on their back, or... well... I'll leave the rest of my hilarious pranks to your imagination.

*evil grin*

Just a test run!

Just a test run