The Mysterious Alphabetizer

Now there is this one volunteer that is what we call 'the fastest draw of the west'. She comes in like a Amtrak on it's way to Chicago, (or slicker then snot). Our Director puts her on page duty. (This usually in-tells shelving books and straightening up the shelves.) The reason why we call her 'the fastest draw' is just that. She wheels through the library at a pace that sets her apart from the rest.

She can shelve a book cart worth of books in our library in less then thirty minutes. (If you don't know what a book cart look like I think it's about time you visit the library. *Most consist of three shelves on both sides. They can fit between ten and thirty books depending on the size of the book.*) Now to be able to put up that many books in such a short stint of time is impossible. Believe me, I've tried it and failed.

But Ms. M.A. is mysterious that way. (That's why I call her Ms. M.A.) Everyone in the library has checked her work and unbelievably, it's always correct! (It looks like it's about time to go on an expodition and watch her like Sherlock Holmes. *evil grin*)

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

The Break Room...

Now an interesting fact for all you patrons is, that just like any other working class group there is usually a break room in a library. That's right, it's behind the scenes and away from your eyes. The break room is another one of those blessed rooms where librarians can have a breather.

Our break room consists of two small round tables, seven chairs, a couch, and a small kitchenette, with fridge. This is where most of us spend our lunches because, face it, the mattress in the attic calls too often during break times. But the fact is the lunch room is one of the most fun places to eat, because that is where all the pranks and hilarious pictures are taken.

*For example, last years book party led to one of our librarians getting doused with pink punch on her white suit. Someone was fortunate to get a great photo of it (and her horrified expression.^_~). Then there are the book shifter room funny pictures. One of which we call the galotine. (I'll explain that later.) *

But then there is the fridge of this room. The bad thing about it is the forgotten foods of all our librarians. Like the S.R.P. pizza that has been in there for... well... I don't know how long, and then there is our directors cakes that seem to always find their way into the back of the fridge (did I mention their growing fur?). For myself, I keep away from the fridge, and every now and again have to take a picture of it to post of the 'Wall of Weirdness'. (As we call it.) Every now and again I put it at the information desk. (just to be a bit evil) Sometimes I embarrass them into cleaning out the fridge. (Don't ask me to do it, it's radioactive material to me.)

So for all our craziness and enjoyment of pranks, the break room is one of our favorites. I'll talk about some of  those pranks on another day...*evil grin*

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

One question...

Well today has been a strange day. Because of a lot of recent sickness as out library, I find myself at the front desk. (One of the most dread seats in the library. *to me*) So it turns out that being a reference librarian does have it's perks, but at the same time the most idiotic questions are asked, and I just can't help sharing them.

1.) Where's the bathroom?
2.) Do you know where that yellow book is?
3.) Have you seen a kid with a bike around here?
4.) Where's the computer lab?
5.) *my all time favorite* how do you check out a book?

I can't help wanting to laugh at these. Now to most patrons they seem like legit questions, but to us librarians we want to laugh. Half of these questions can be answered by looking at the signs, the other half are just plain weird.

Now I understand why I chose to work the reference desk, you get to sleep, read, and get your assistants to do the work for you. (I miss Mr. Clean and his temper!) So till I can figure out a way to get away from this forever morbid desk, I'll be dying to over exposure.

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Sound Smart

Alright, it's time to stop talking about the craziness of the library and look at a little something more interesting. (I can be smart, when I want to.) One of my friends that has taken the time to look at my blog has asked I talk about the libraries and at least talk a bit about my job. (Why?)

So okay, let's talk something smart, how about the fact that across the U.S.of A. libraries are being closed because of budget cuts in the government. If you don't believe me, just click it HERE. In just Boston area alone four libraries will be shut down within nine months.This is something that is becoming more and more prevalent in the US, if not the world.

Most people don't realize how important libraries are in the grand scheme of things. In just our library alone there has been a 20% growth in circulation, and about a 30% rise in patron count. If that isn't saying something then THIS should. (I got to say, I have a lot a questions asked to me in a day. I feel like I'm working the front desk sometimes.)

So think about it, help the library out some, volunteer a bit, give us some donations, who knows that little penny could mean keeping our doors open or not. (Not to mention allow me to continue sleeping at work.)

Like one of my favored peep's said: 'Without libraries, there can be no form of government.'

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

The real REFeree...

So today was one of those days. Now the library is pretty big, but even then you can hear people yelling at one another from my small corner in the back of the library. Mr. Clean of course is trying to intervene between two woman that decide to have a cat fight, literally, next to the children's room. (You can just imagine all the round eyed kids.) Mr. Clean of course can't do a thing. (He's a guy after all and his threats are useless against two women about to pull each others hair out.)

Well, I'm not one to interfer with other peoples affairs, but these women were interferring with my afternoon nap. (Everyone in the library knows that's a no-no.) So I get up, and walk past my other assistants, who duck after seeing the look on my face. The women are now getting a little physical with each other. I get in between them and each give them my deadly glare.

They instantly quiet as I snarl, "If you keep this up, I'll show you what a cat fight is."

One of the woman steps up to challenge, but I don't give her a minute, grabbing her by an ear I send her out the door. The other woman watches and I almost laughed at the look on her face, but she quickly slinked out after the other woman. Mr. Clean had a 'how in the world' look on his face (as well as all the patrons that had come to watch) as I walked back to my desk and finished enjoying my afternoon nap. (I think I will be receiving a lot of thank you cards later on.)

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Private Investigator REF & Mr. Clean

Okay, today nearly left me in tears. For me, as the reference librarian, I have some of the most amazing experiences with the public that I don't often mention. But today was exceptional. A woman came in today looking for her father. Now this woman is about forty and has two kids with her. She came up and asked me over my books, "Could you help me find someone?"

I looked up from my computer and ask, "Someone in the library?"

"Not exactly... I'm looking for my father."

Now this is where she spills her guts about her father having been a war hero, who had disappeared when she was born, but for some reason beyond me, she was trying to find him. Call it reconciliation, but it was touching. Now according to policy we don't provide those kinds of services. But before I knew it I was saying yes. (I didn't want to change the AC filter *or untie the idiot assistant*) So I went into a large search, asking her everything she could remember about her father.

Right about the time I was starting to find some leads Mr. Clean shows up. Now for some reason ever since the iniciation scare he's been kind of cold shouldered and almost like my boss. He asks me what I'm doing, and I just shrug and say, 'Hunting.'

He finds out, tells me it's not policy and I tell him to shut up. (HAHAHA! I'm cold hearted towards him, he needs to get one. *a heart I mean*) I just keep searching while he drowns on about policy and about work ethic, and all that junk.(I'm good at selective hearing.) Right about that time, I'm calling a police department in Detroit of all places to ask then for any info they might have on this woman's father.

Bingo! I found something, Mr. Clean for once stops talking and being such a pain in the rear and helps. By the time the woman came back from story hour, I had her father's phone number, home address and everything else I could find. (Hopefully I have the right guy here.) She thanked us, gave us each thirty bucks and left. (Whoa, I'm going to have a good lunch thinking about that.)

Mr. Clean actually smiled at me for once and we went about our work, me sleeping, Mr. Clean doing whatever he does in the stacks. It was tear jerking and very gratifying. Thank you, Mrs. Patron-with-missing-father.

You got to love Librarian-Hood...

Evil...

...the assistant is here...

I wonder if this guy feels a chill going up his spin.... Anyhoo, let's talk about that door leading into that scary place in the attic. It is the mechanic's closet, it's pretty much a long unfinished hall against the roof where the elevator pulleys and the AC unit are. It's extremely creepy and very seldom do we go up there. In fact we draw straws to see who will change the AC units filter once a month.

So for that poor unsuspecting assistant, he will be staying there the night. Call it whatever you want. But I will quote one who knows what they are talking about, 'Revenge is a dish best served cold.'

You've got to love Librarian-Hood...

The Attic

Alright, our library is pretty big... as you can probably guess from the fact we have one too many librarians, and assistant librarians, and, and, and... So to make it simple I'll explain our library, it's two stories, with a large attic that can one day be converted into a third.

(A fact for all wayward patrons: A library is built to last for well over thirty years. What is taken into consideration when a library is built is the fact of growth in the community, and patron usage of the library. Our library was built ten years ago and thus contains another floor for further use in the future. It's called the 60-40 rule.)

So the attic as we all call it now, is huge, kind of like a basketball court double-sized. For us librarians, it is a sanctuary, especially for me and the mattress that has *somehow* found it's way up there. The attic consists of boxes of decorations for every plausible holiday, craft supplies for the summer, rewards for the summer read program, and shelves of books for our 'closed-off' reference books. So when we each have our ten minute breaks, we either go up there and read at one of the long tables that are up there for when the time comes to open up shop, or sleep on the mattress.

But!... there is a door  there leading to a very scary place... a place the idiot assistant will be going to soon... *evil grin*

The Flu...

Not pretty...

This is what I get for talking to patrons. So I'm alive, for all of my adoring (looking down at followers) ... fan... anyhoo, as it turns out half the staff is down with the flu thanks to an idiot assistant that thought it was alright to come to the library when they had the flu.

(To any library volunteers out there, DON'T EVER COME TO THE LIBRARY WHEN YOU ARE SICK!!! *we will kill you*)

So I've been out of commission for a over a week and am now going after the idiot assistant that did this to me. (Awe the joys of librarian-hood) As for Mr. Clean (healthy as a horse), I think he was enjoying the fact I was gone for a week. When he saw me come in his smile disappeared into a frown. (I don't think it was a frown of concern.) So this is a warning to the idiot assistant, if you ever dare come to this library while I'm here, I'm hunting you down, hog tying you, and throwing you in the attic!

You got to love Librarian-Hood....